I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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