Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Randomize
