Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
