hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Randomize
