I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
my shit smells like andre
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
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