The maid of honor just puked.
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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