i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
