My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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