I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
wow bdsm is so cute
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
