Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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