how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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