yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
