Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Randomize
