I just pynch a tree in the face
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
