dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
