I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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