NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
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