im drinking this country out of the recession.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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