Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I can feel your judgement through the phone
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
