I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Randomize
