he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
birth control should be required to get into college
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
