If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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