He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Randomize
