So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
No subtext here. People are naked.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Randomize
