He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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