I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
