I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
