Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
My breasts were aching with rage.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
