I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
