you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
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