Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
