You work out of a Hotel?
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
