Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
