There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Your penis caused this!
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