i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize