I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
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