Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
