Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
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