Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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