Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
