Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
