I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
