I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Randomize
