It's a beautiful day for a hangover
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
