this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
it's like heaven, but drunker
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
