I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
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