I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
