At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Randomize
