I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Randomize
