He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
