don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
