She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
