I just threw up on my dentist
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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