He uses pillows to masturbate.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
