It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
