I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
you didnt know i had herpes?
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
