dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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