I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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