thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize