Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Randomize
