Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
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