I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
