Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Randomize
