too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
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