I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
