omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
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