I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
