My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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