Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Randomize
