You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
