im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
