We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
