I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
they're like a gay fantastic four
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
