Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize
