dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
It was like getting head from an anaconda
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize