if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
