Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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