I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
