Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
4 words: hood of his car
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
