Can Purell be used as lube?
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
