Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
