please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
