A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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