this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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