Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
