I'm gonna have a badass scar
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
