So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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