I want to walk on stilts...naked
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
