Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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