Whats the glycemic index on semen?
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
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