I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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