I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
