How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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