Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Randomize
